Balltasche ~ Just a Bit of Comedy from 2015 with ‘umblest apologies to my friends on the Wirral, across the Water in the Liver, and further up still, vast Lancashire ..hahaha

In the Spirit of My Lord Schwarze Kreuzotter

and his

‘umble servant Balltasche

 [i]

Make way,

Make way all ~
For it is a grave announcement
thus to be made
before the Sun Setteth
upon Yon Irish Sea

… … pssst my lord schwarze Kreuzotter...you’ve got your cloak caught!

BARRRL-TASHUR (ball bag) I shall not tell you again  - one more peep from you and I will have you hanging from the rafters downside up!

Yes but my lord, the ship doth poise to slip moorings and your cl.....

BarRRL-TASH-urR.....BE SILENT I say again!

For I am about the Queen's business!

You can say that again.............

aaaaaahhhhh no my lord Kreuzotter
I jested but to lighten the burden
of what is about to befall you!

.....on no please! No, not that again… … …

Waifs, let us now continue,
after that irritant!

Thou dost know that it is in the Queen's Most Excellent Majesty
that there be two Reprobates
upon this most illustrious
North Western Coast of this Hallowed Realm, this Sceptred Isle,

…Ha! is that the best you could do my Lord Bishop? That's not very original

BarRRL-TASH-urR I shan't tell you again... …

 

Now where was I?

 

… ...that these recalcitrants have been in communication
and passing state secrets one to the other

 

This, People of the LiVer-pule
and
Lyth-Am sainte annES-my-ass,

is an heinous crime
for so to do!

And thus the burgers and burgesses of the illustrious town of
Kirkham in the Swamp
in the County of Lancaster
doth decree
that there shall be simultaneous public flogging
today
at 3 past the hour

in the Square at LythAm on the Mud
and at the Port of the LiVerpule

(that ist to say, Waifs, the pig swog end of the 13 mile stretch of Her Majesty's Docklands)
where it dost stench SO great

Let it be known that this is a SIRRR-EE-USS MATter
and that therefore it is within the pleasure
of Her Most Excellent Majesty
to warn that such future misbehaviour
shall leave Her Majesty no alternative
but to ship such unfortunate beings
to the
Fort Perch on the Wirral

where as is the custom of that QUARRELSUM principality

the criminals shalt be chained 'on either side of the Fort cess-pitt
at its bottom end for days numbering six

whereupon they shall,

dishevelled and mucky be,

be dunked into the salt water that throws up against the Fort Wall
and then be paraded through ALLLLL regions as a warning
to allllllllll

I am persuaded um..um..um.. that this is a most EXCELLENT means
of reproach

ANNNNND
Mark
YOU ALL

Yes and you Madam
Stop picking your Nostril and eating therefrom!

a refreshing CLEANSING of the soul

 

AND SO I do set my hand and seal upon this,
The Queen's, Edict
this ELEVENTH DAY OF APRIL
in the year of our L.........


aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

BarRRL-TASHurR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
who tied my cloak to the ...k..g anchor????????????????

This Mersey Water do STINK!!!!!!

29 April 2023
All Rights Reserved

© 2023 Kenneth Thomas Webb

Composed 1 May 2011
and brought out from the archive

 [i] German for Black Adder and Ballbag pronounced Shvarts-zur Kroy-zottur and Barl-tasher